Alchemy
“Human kind cannot obtain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.” This is the first rule of Alchemy, at least according to Fullmetal Alchemist (an Anime).
In the recent weeks somethings has been running around my head. I am excited to meet Poppy (yes, we don’t have a name yet). I can find myself throughout the day thinking about what I want to teach, what habits or traditions I would like to create with this new human. However I noticed that most of my thoughts are for when the kiddo could talk, walk, and think. Then I asked: Would I let myself lose the beginning of this life?
It hit me, we are going to have a baby, a new human life will enter this world. A-new-life. It is simple, but deeper than the universe, because a life will happen, a unique conscious will be with us. I can’t explain it well, but I feel humbled for this honor.
What did I do to deserve the privilege of having a new life with me? Am I worthy? Would I do good?
The ones who know a little bit of my back story, know what happened almost 12 years ago. I was about to get married to a wonderful girl called Janina. In a matter of hours she passed away. It's nothing new to humanity, people come and go. However, she left in the middle of an amazing life, left her parents, her sisters and friends. And at that moment what I thought would be our future, she was taken from it.
In order to receive something valuable…
…one has to lose something first.
Now, today. What I live and enjoy from the life I have wouldn’t have happened at all if Jani would have not rested that day. Why? Because I was committed to her, just as I am ALL-IN to my marriage and my family with Annie now. When you look at the details, it is really clear how one circumstance opened the floods for another life story to happen.
In short, if Jani wouldn’t have had that aneurysm. I wouldn’t have been a fiancé-widow. And after four years, I wouldn’t have noticed Annie when she lived in Peru, we wouldn’t have gotten engaged, married, and lived together for five years before getting pregnant, and in about two or three weeks, Poppy wouldn’t be with us.
This makes gives a proper meaning to it.
I learned that pure Love comes in different shapes and it doesn’t fight in between itself. I love Annie with all my being; and I love our baby -even when he/she makes mom feel pain-. And I loved my life before, and the love I was blessed to receive from Janina.
Sometimes our minds fly into the wouldas, couldas, shouldas; but one thing I am sure, Jani would have been so happy for us now. I knew her heart.
ps. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, I do. But thinking about this makes me hold my life dearly for all the value it has. Thanks Eternal.