Flashback: May 11, 2019

My dear Poppy,

It's been 2 weeks now since I threw out my back. I was feeling so much better, but today I feel almost as much pain as the first day. There's not a lot I can do about it. Strong pain medications might hurt you.

I've lived through this before. This has been a part of my life for more than half of it. I was 15 when they found my bulging disc. I'm 33 now, and there have been hard times and better times. I gave up so much (or so it felt at the time) because I needed to think about the future. Your future.

I'm laying in bed unable to move. One wrong move and I feel like I'm being tasered. Your dad doesn't say it often, but he hates this. He hates seeing me in pain. He loves to be able to take care of me, but it's hard to see me suffer. He's been a real hero through all of this.

I'm not sure how we're going to fix this. Right now I can't work, I can't stand up by myself, I can't even go to the bathroom by myself. And you're only in your 14th week. We both have A LOT of growing to do in the next several months. I'm going to start being a lot more demanding with my doctors. But our first priority is for you to stay safe. That's always been my top priority, even before you were born.

Poppy’s first photo session from April 18.

You're still being formed by God right now in my womb, but we already love you so much. We would do anything for you. I need you to know this, and always remember. We would walk through fire for you, and this is our very first test.

Love,

Mom