Happy Pants
Before, during and after pregnancy, clothes had a tendency to make me pretty sad. There’s that point when shopping that you have no desire to admit defeat and buy the next size up. And during pregnancy you believe it’s a waste to buy clothes for just a few months. Not long after giving birth you realize you’ll be living in maternity clothes for years, because who wants to go back to tight waist lines. None of these moments are particularly happy ones.
When Daniel and I were first dating I was sick and wearing several sizes smaller than my frame should have allowed. Between my health getting better and moving back to the United States with our large servings and overly available junk food, I’m a few sizes beyond what my frame should allow. I try to be proud and accepting of my body, but there are times it can be a bit depressing. I haven’t been excited about a new piece of clothes for quite a while.
A few weeks ago, I was cleaning out a drawer and found a gift certificate that my sister had given me. Or my sister had given to my mom who gave it to me. I think my sister’s mother-in-law gave it to her who gave it to mom who gave it to me. It kept getting passed along because none of us really shop in the store it was from. Right now with COVID-19 limiting a lot of in person shopping many stores are offering free shipping. So I decided it was time to scroll through this store (read: the sales rack) and see if there were any pieces to add to my wardrobe.
I set out hoping to find several cheaper pieces to add more basics to my closet. I don’t tend to stock up on labels or statement pieces. The only fashion I have a real appreciation for are shoes thanks to my time living in Brazil. Even then it’s high on quality and artistry. My favorite shoes aren’t a famous label or exceptionally expensive, but they’re a piece of art. If I’m going to have something that stands out, it’s art, not just functional. In fact, the only time in my life I considered spending hundreds on a pair of shoe was when I stood in front of a pair that looked like they should be in a frame.
While scrolling through black cardigans and neutral tops, I paused for just a few too many seconds on a pair of pants I couldn’t take my eyes off of. They were covered in brushstrokes (sometimes I take the whole clothes as art concept a bit too literally) and spoke to my soul. Keep in mind we’re in the middle of a pandemic and while working from home I literally have nowhere to wear these to. And the price tag meant that I would be spending my entire gift card on one, perhaps unnecessary, piece. But I knew what Daniel would have advised me, and for once I didn’t dread getting a new piece of clothing. So I selected the size I really am, not just the size I thought I should be, and smiled and I made my ill-advised purchase.
As soon as I had them I was wearing them. For once I didn’t care of the pattern made my legs look chunky or the fit showed too many rolls. It probably helped that Kai and Daniel were the only ones to see me. But I felt proud and beautiful, not because of the price, brand or fancy store but because I loved them. As Marie Kondo would say, they sparked so much joy in me! So at least once a laundry cycle know I will be wearing real pants in my Zoom meetings, while playing on the floor with Kai, and taking the garbage out.