Space

Dear Teenager Kai,

I’m sitting on the floor playing rings with Baby Kai. Well, I put the rings on and you dump them on the floor and crawl away. We’ve been spending a lot of time at home because it’s 2020 and there’s a pandemic going on around us. Right now we can’t go to the park because the West Coast wildfires have left it very smoky outside and we want to protect your tiny lungs. Ever 3-5 minutes you crawl back over to me to crawl in my lap, give me a hug or just crawl up me like a ramp as you try to escape the play pen. I love it. Baby Kai is clingy. He can be.

We have adult conversations while we’re playing because baby talk isn’t good for you, and not talking all the time isn’t good for me, I’m a chatty one (in case you haven’t noticed). So here we go Teenage Kai, today’s lesson. Hopefully by now you’ve learned how to play well with others. I desperate hope that Elementary Kai really worked to perfect that skill because it’s incredibly important in life and relationships. But now that you’re a teenager let’s chat about a different kind of relationship skill.

Dating. You may be thinking about it already, you may not. But it will sneak up on you before you know it. When you find someone special you want to spend a lot of time with, it’s easy to get a little clingy. That’s 100% natural. Even after 8 years with your dad, I think I still cling to him. But it’s important to remember why space matters.

Space gives you a chance to spend time with yourself, focus on things you love that your special someone may not enjoy as much, it can even help you become more of the wonderful person that they enjoy so much. A bit of time apart can give you a chance to miss each other. My dad once told me to “always leave them wanting more,” which basically means you’d rather have them miss you than wish you would leave. Every person is different, and you don’t want to overstay your welcome.

Now, all of this is so easy to say but incredibly difficult to do when you really like someone. Balance can be one of the hardest things in life to find. But you’re not alone.

Bah! I really thought I would sound wiser while sharing my wisdom with you. Turns out being a mom doesn’t turn me into a sage. At least I tried. All I can really offer you is my love and the experience I’ve lived. I messed up in this area so many times in my life. I held too tightly onto people that were wonderful and in doing so pushed them away. I distanced myself too much from others trying to be a bit mysterious and ultimately just made them feel like I didn’t care enough. I completely got it wrong, and you will too sometimes.

I look down at Baby Kai and want to shield him from all pain. But that’s not how it works. As a teenager you’re going to have to learn a lot on your own. But please know, if you mess up, you’re not the first one to do so. Between you dad and me, we’ve probably done it too. That may not help you feel better, but at least you can laugh at us through our stories. We’ve got plenty.

See? Very clingy. But he’s so cute, who could resist?