He's "The One"
In the movies they always talk about the moment they know that you realize you’ve found “the one.” It seems like such a romantic concept. “You handed me my favorite ice cream, and it was then I knew that I loved you.” I guess the reality is that nothing in real life is quite that simple. There’s probably more fun in that complexity anyway.
I don’t really know for certain when I first realized that I loved Daniel or even when I knew that he was the one I wanted to marry. I probably couldn’t even pinpoint the moment we decided to have Kai. In reality all of those beautiful “moments” were actually journeys.
We spent months investing our time in one another, experiencing life together, sharing in conversation and experience who we are deep within ourselves before that journey turned into dating. Somewhere along the way our friendship (and attraction, I mean, come on, he’s gorgeous) turned into love. It was still nerve-racking to express it to each other, but by that point it was already understood in many ways just from our time together.
While dating we talked so often about “forever.” The fact that we had chosen to date led us both to essentially assume the best, that we were together for the rest of our lives. While not always the smartest or safest mentality, it worked for us. I even remember thinking once about how ridiculous it would for him to propose because what a silly formality if we already knew we were going to get married at some point. That mindset may or may not have ruined his actual proposal. But of course, that’s another story for another time.
Daniel and I spent months talking about what it would be like to be parents, how we would respond in different situations, what values we wanted to pass on, and more. The theoretical just slowly became more real as time and conversation moved forward.
While the journeys are gradual, there are many milestones along the way that stick in my memory. When we were dating when I lived in Peru Daniel would sometimes visit me on campus. One Sunday I left him to finish watching a movie at my place while I went just a few hundred feet away to participate in a basketball tournament with my work team. By the time I went back home, he had already left. But as soon as I opened the door I remembered, again, that I hoped I would end up married to this man. It wasn’t filled with flowers or love letters. There was no romantic music playing. But the place was spotless. He had completely scrubbed down my messy living space, including dishes, laundry, mopping, all the chores I kept putting off.
I think about this moment often. Not because it was a big romantic gesture to win me over, but because it was his way of showing me that he loved me. I didn’t marry him for his cleaning. But every time I wake up early with Kai to see clean bottles on the counter I just pause and soak in the pure love in that moment. He’s not trying to impress me, he doesn’t love doing the dishes, the doesn’t feel he owes it to me. They’re clean just simply because he loves me.