Sometimes I'm a Bad Mom

It’s impossible to be a perfect parent. I’ve accepted that. Mostly. I’m still going to try, but there are some things I’m not necessarily going to worry as much about. My dream of “my child will never see my television on during the day” is completely out the window. I am however continuing my goal of making as much eye contact as humanly possible with Kai. Some “bad” parenting is due to exhaustion, other is just to survive.

Today for the first time I realized that there were a few things that I’m 100% doing wrong on purpose without a bit of remorse. All the best sleep experts say that it’s important to put your baby in their crib while still slightly awake. In addition, you’re not supposed to pick up the baby during the night if they start crying. It’s all for important scientific reasons and all experts agree. The rebel in me, however, does it all wrong.

I let Kai nap in my arms. At night I hold him asleep on my shoulder for a few extra minutes before putting him down. When he wakes up from (what I assume to be) a nightmare, I scoop him up as fast as I can. Not every time, but as much as I want or need. So far he’s a much better kid than I am a parent, so I haven’t ruined him yet and his sleep habits remain exemplar.

In just a few months I’ll miss these moments. Someday he’ll be too big I won’t be able to pick him up. One day I’ll hear “Mom, I’m fine, you can leave now,” and I’ll wish I was holding him in my arms just one more time. So when I can sneak five more minutes of baby breath on my neck, I will.